In order to accomplish all that we want in life, we must ask questions. Ask a lot of questions, ask better questions. Often times, we give away our power, we write off what we want and say we weren’t meant to have it. “So and so is naturally gifted that’s why they can do whatever it is that they do. So and so was born with a silver spoon in their mouth, I had to work for everything, life is so unfair.” We need to quit looking for excuses and instead start looking for solutions.
If we want to retake control of our lives, take back the power that we gave away, and harness that power to write our own journey then we need to start focusing on what we can control and take a deeper look at our own story. WE ARE ALL PRIVILEGED. PRIVILEGE IS NOT A BAD WORD. However, we all need to know how we are privileged and understand what that privilege entails. It is important to understand your own privilege that way you can stop looking at life like it is unfair. Since you have your own story that no one else knows, it is safe to assume the same of others. As the old saying goes, everyone is going through something you know nothing about. Instead of feeling lonely in your journey, know that your neighbor can likely relate to you. Understanding ourselves and our own behaviors can go a long way towards empathy and compassion. Applying this outward will help you apply it inward.
Looking for mediocrity in others who you think are doing something better than you can only be described as being a hater. We are all guilty of it. For many, it is a coping mechanism to not feel bad about ourselves. Instead of trying to find what we do better than that person, admire their skill and acknowledge the fact that no one is perfect. Most people do not fit into whatever mold or bucket you have them placed in. We are all vastly different and intricate. Traits you wouldn’t think could go together, can. A person who doesn’t care about what they wear can have a pristine home. A person who doesn’t like dogs can still be a good person just the same as a person who likes dogs can be untrustworthy. Noticing how much we judge and make quick decisions of people can help us to better understand ourselves, allow us to start rewriting that narrative and watch our lives start to shape a little differently. We have the power to see the good in everyone and not view their actions as inherently bad. This can then allow us to not beat ourselves up over any misstep.
Instead of immediately giving our power away by saying someone else is where they are because of X, start asking questions. How did they get to where they are? What are their habits? Am I being as consistent as I could be? The more questions you ask and the better questions you ask yourself coupled with answering the questions honestly should help you realize why you are where you are. It’s important to remember that you are still a good person. A “bad” choice does not make you a bad person. Failing at something does not make you a failure. Be kind to yourself no matter what the findings are.
The two places I tend to see people give their power away the most is in relation to their health and their career. They’ll say so and so is so lucky they are naturally lean, or strong, or bigger, or good at math or speaking. These things may be true however the purpose for most of us to say things like this is to give our power away, to make excuse as to why we are not like that. This does a great disservice to ourselves. Like I mentioned before, we all have unseen stories. You would not like it if something you obtained through hard work was written off as coming easy to you. Even if something did come easy to someone else, what good is that doing you to say that and focus on that, as opposed to focusing on what you can control?
Most of the answers to your questions will be some sort of variation of consistency. You cannot be considered consistent from one blip of time. Consistency is patterned behavior over a long duration of time. Ask yourself what behaviors can I be more consistent with that will yield the results I am looking for. No longer do we look for excuses, just solutions. Regain your power and realize its strength. With this, more and more will appear possible.