Football and Life: Lessons From The Gridiron - Part 6 The Struggle Is The Way

The struggle is only temporary and true reward is often on the other side. This lesson is never a fun one to figure out. Usually, it takes a great deal of suffering and pain to arrive at this finding. Though my pain and suffering can’t be compared to those who have gone through or are going through much more challenging times than football, it still managed to help prepare me for more difficult times in life than Xs and Os.

I remember when I first walked on at UCONN. I was super comfortable at the time when I decided to start training for try-outs. I thought to myself I can play with those guys, I need to play with them, I needed to prove to myself that I could play at that level. I thought I knew what I was getting into. LOL.

I made tryouts my “you know the saying”. I felt as high and mighty as one could feel. I felt that it was a breeze and thought being on the team would be a similar experience. Man was I wrong. We started off with 300m shuttles and modified spin to get our legs up to speed, this was tough but nothing too crazy. Then after about a week of doing this every day we were thrust onto the football field. That’s where the struggle began. I have never ran, jumped or cut that much in my life. My shins were in absolute agony. On top of that, our job as scout team was to give a good look to the starters. It had been years since I was hit hard by anyone or anything. I had grown, what I would consider, soft. The beating we took on special teams and from the defense was excruciating. Over and over again we were battered. Many of the other walk-ons who made the cut ended up quitting a few weeks in and I don’t blame them. It sucked. Let alone when we went to games everyone else had their names on the backs of their jerseys and ours were blank. We knew we had no shot of playing on gameday and that made taking those beatings even more difficult to take. I wanted to quit. I wanted to be back to my comfortable, unchallenged life. However, it was my remembrance as to why I joined which helped guide me through the struggle, through the pain and eventually earn my way onto the traveling team and earn my playing time.

Had I quit, I would have never known if I could play at that level, I would probably talk a lotta woulda coulda shouldas. Luckily I did not quit and I was able to learn a valuable lesson, which is often on the other side of struggle is success and eventually, you will make it out of that struggle. This grit has helped me persevere on some of my days when everything feels like a lot. If it was easy, everyone would do it. There is a reason why it is challenging, and the reward will be that much sweeter when you know you gave it your all.

Football and Life: Lessons From The Gridiron - Part 5 Preparation

Those who were most prepared seem to have the most success. Want to be successful? Prepare for it.

During my few years at UCONN, I was able to play receiver and cornerback. As a receiver, I was able to compete against these 2 stud corners who both went on to play in the NFL. I remember being locked up by them every time I had a chance to go up against them. Used to hate how hemmed up they would have me. I couldn’t understand how no matter what route I ran, they were always there, right on my hip. It wasn’t just myself they would hem up, but just about every receiver on the team seldom had success against these two. The receiver knows where they are going and the cornerback does not, at least that’s what I thought.

Fast forward a few months later and I switched to playing corner. What I discovered is that a good corner knows where the receiver is going. How the hell do they know this? Preparation. These two studs used to dissect film like it was there job (it was their job). They knew if the receiver lined up at this landmark, if they had this foot forward, and on and on that each thing gave them more and more information about the possibility of routes that the receiver could run. My mind was blown. I understood this concept, but understanding the concept and actually performing are two totally different things. You had to put time in, day in and day out, to get to that level of preparation. What I saw on Saturdays were usually two absolutely dominant performances from two craftsmen, they were everywhere the guy they were guarding went all over the field, rarely did they give up a big play. Their awareness was unbelievable and you had to credit their preparation. It was no wonder our defense was so far ahead of our offense. The defensive coordinator set the precedent and every starter followed suit. It was impressive, to say the least.

Prepare prepare prepare. If you want to increase your likelihood of having success then you must prepare for it. Know what to look for, what are the signs, what are the steps you need to take if you desire to have success.

Bonus Lesson: Top Down

This lesson is one of the most valuable lessons I think I learned. That is if you want to be a successful organization, it needs to be top down. Meaning, the values, the work ethic it all needs to start at the top or it won’t matter what is below it. If the head coach doesn’t practice what they preach, you have no chance at success. This is a tough lesson to tell without throwing anyone under the bus. So under the bus, they go. Sike. The only point is you can have the best intentions and say all of the right things but if your actions and your words don’t match up, the message is lost.

For example, if you say it is important to be awake and present during meetings, you need to be awake and present during meetings. If you say it is important to be on time, you need to be on time. That whole do as I say not as I do malarkey is nonsense. Leadership has rarely worked from that standpoint.

The single best representation of Top-Down during my time at UCONN was watching the defensive coordinator who was also the positions coach for cornerbacks. This Dude is singlehandedly the most walk the talk Coach I have ever had. On any given play he could tell you what the offense was trying to do as well as what every single person on defense was supposed to do. From what technique they should use, to their assignment. He was ALWAYS prepared, he was ALWAYS present, he was ALWAYS knowledgeable. This created a top 10 defense during his time at UCONN, a number 1 defense at Boston College and a number 1 defense while at the University of Michigan. He led from out front and pulled everyone up. A true leader.

If you want to have a successful team, it needs to start with you, the ship goes wherever you steer it so if you are asleep at the wheel don’t be surprised when it crashes.

Football and Life: Lessons From The Gridiron - Part 4 You aren't always going to win

This was a new lesson for me. In high school, we won all the time, in my track career and football career. I wasn’t used to losing. I know in today's world, everyone is rewarded no matter if you win or lose which is kinda nuts in my opinion. Anyway, losing was a new phenomenon for me once I arrived at college.

At URI we lost a lot. We were watching film, we studied the playbook, we were out there practicing in every and all conditions. Yet we would get our butts whooped week in and week out.

At UCONN the skill level was even higher from players to coaches yet we still lost a lot. We (other players not me) studied film like it was their job. Many of them went on to play in the NFL. Just about every position on the field put someone into the league as either a practice player or on a roster yet even with all of that talent, we got our butts kicked. Not defensively, defensively we were all that and a bag of chips I will add, but that’s beside the point.

Point is you aren’t always going to win. Sometimes shit just isn’t going to work out in your favor. In situations where there are a winner and a loser, guess what? Someone has to win, and someone has to lose and there is nothing that says the loser can’t be you. Putting in work can help it so you win more often, but it doesn’t guarantee 100% success.

How I have carried this into my professional life is knowing that you aren’t going to be right for everyone. Not everyone is going to see the value you bring. No matter what accolades you have you will always have haters, doubters, and people who may not be ready or they may never be a fit, and that’s alright. It is not the end of the world. Move on.

Football and Life: Lessons From The Gridiron - Part 3 The Next Play is The Next Play

Gotta keep moving forward. Whether you just showed out on the last play or got beat, the next play needs to be the next play, you can’t live in the past, need to be in the present moment. As a defensive back, you are often on an island where any mistake you make can be detrimental to the team and any play you make is just a play you made unless it was a turnover.

I remember when we played Louisville at Louisville. We were beating up Teddy Bridgewater pretty good all game. Beat him up so good he had to go the locker room for a quarter or two. He came back in toward the end of the game and proceeded to drive his team down the field and put them in a game-winning situation. Our cornerback had been battling some injuries himself and was beat on a few plays during that drive. However, he stayed in the moment, the next play was the next play. Teddy, living in the previous play, tried picking on that corner again, he threw the ball up towards his receiver in the back of the endzone and our guy came down with it. Game Over.

The lesson to take away from this is that you can’t get too high or too low. Let the past be the past and know that it doesn’t define you. Live in the moment and figure out what you can do right now to steer the ship in the direction you wish to go in. If you mess up, that’s fine, move on. You have a win, awesome, move on. Gotta keep moving forward. No matter what. You are not defined by past experiences, what defines you is who you are in the present. The past only has as much effect on the present as you allow.

Football and Life: Lessons From the Gridiron - part 2 Take Criticism

One of my favorite lessons learned through sports is needing to have the ability to take criticism whether it is “good” or “bad”. Being coddled does not help you get better. If becoming a better version of yourself is something that interest you then you must get used to hearing what you are good at and what could use some improvement.

During sport it did not matter if you wanted to hear it or not, you were going to get that feedback. I remember going over film, and our position coach most of the time would use the sandwich method when giving feedback. Something you do well, something you can improve on, followed by something else you do well or reiteration of what you are doing well. This method works really well when you want someone to actually take your criticism and utilize it. This method usually decreases the likelihood of the person receiving the criticism becoming defensive. Super important when you want to create change. Having said that, in certain situations, such as being apart of a team, you cannot expect everyone to be that tactful with their delivery of information. In other words, if you want to play, you’re gonna have to get over how someone said something to you and figure out if there is truth to what they are saying.

I remember the head coach called me out while I was playing scout team defense against the starting offense. He said I wasn’t putting in any effort and just started poppin off at the mouth in my direction. I was salty AF but the main thing that I was salty about was that he was right, I did not want to be there, I wasn’t putting in much effort at all. Here is the head coach calling me out. If I had chosen to shut down and continue to give no effort I would have been fast off of the field and would have lost playing time. As a walk-on, there wasn’t anything tying you to the team, they could get rid of you so fast, it’s not like they were paying for my classes, food or housing. Knowing that, I still popped off, I had my excuses firing back in my defensive state. Luckily for me, the next play I made a jump on the ball and picked off the pass and stared down the coach after the play. He was like "I guess I should just yell at you all the time." It was my desire to prove people wrong that allowed me to respond in an appropriate manner in that situation, it was not the ability to not get defensive. Though I was in school for psychology, the lessons I learned on the field stuck in my mind much better than the classroom. Being away from it for years now has allowed me to reflect and digest on past experiences to understand them better. Learn from me! Don’t get defensive as I did in this situation even if it worked out for the time being.

Actions always speak louder than words. Instead of attempting to talk your way out of why this other person believes what they believe about you, internalize it, digest it, dissect it, and let your actions show them differently. Or if you still think the criticism isn’t a fair judgment then move on. Don’t dwell on it. At the end of the day, you cannot control that person's opinion, you can only control your actions. The ability to take criticism is the best way to figure out how you can become a better you. Therefore, being open to criticism and welcoming criticism is important for self-development. Any way you can create an environment where people feel comfortable giving you their opinion, the better off you will be in the long haul.