Sometimes It Storms

Some days I feel helpless, weak, hopeless when it comes to certain things. Life feels like it weighs 1000 pounds. I worry about this and that. I worry about things that I cannot control. This does not mean that whatever issues plague my mind are not real or aren't worth the time, but something I always try to remember is that strength is a mindset and I am strong enough to make it through. You will constantly be tested in life, forced to handle things you may think you shouldn't have to deal with. You might even be knocked off your feet with what life threw at you. But remembering that you are strong can be enough to get you through. Remembering it's not about how many times you get knocked down but how many times you get up.

Accept life for what it is, a journey, that we are all on. We all have our battles. Even those who may appear to have been fed with a silver spoon have their own stuff they have to deal with that they may think is unfair. Always focus on what you can control. Don't worry about someone else's life who seems perfect on the surface. If you can't control it, then you can't change it. Letting go of responsibility is a must. Forgiving yourself for thinking you could control something that is out of your power is a must. It is the only way you can move forward. Going forward, don't be so hard on yourself. We can't be everywhere, we can't be everything to everybody, to put those expectations on yourself is unrealistic and will leave you feeling helpless, weak, and hopeless more often. Life isn't always easy, it's not always sunshine. Sometimes it rains. Sometimes it pours. Sometimes it storms. However, it always clears up leaving you to figure out what's next. How do you bring sunshine into others lives? How do you bring sunshine into your life even when things seem grey? Remember you woke up today, that is something to be happy about.

Screen Time

For those of us who live in NYC, and basically everybody everywhere at this point, it is very, very hard to escape the blue screens. I mean how many of us are guilty of being on our computer, in front of the TV, all while watching a funny clip on Instagram? I can’t be the only one, I know that. Screens have seemingly become apart of most of our everyday life. Screens do not appear to be going anywhere anytime soon and we need to learn how to live with them and how to stop them from disrupting certain aspects of our lives, such as sleep.

As I stated, I know I am guilty of using screens way too much, and I also know most of you are too. How do I know? Because every time I am online you are online too, sending me a bunch of hilarious fails, or posting, or commenting on somebody else's something. Media viewings, whether it is on YouTube, Facebook or television are often hitting millions of views and even billion of views. So someone is watching. You don’t have to admit it if you don’t want to but we both know.

It is known that we are supposed to stay away from these blue lights as we approach bedtime, iPhone even built in a nighttime mode in an effort to curb the adverse effects blue screens can have on our sleep. However, many of us still watch TV, send snaps of ourselves “sleeping”, scroll through Instagram or Twitter, check our emails, all from bed. Then wonder why we have trouble falling asleep or why when we wake up we don’t feel rested. This is not rocket science. Something to try doing is setting a prepare-for-bed time, setting an alarm to wake up, and placing our phone away from our beds. This way you curb the blue screen being an inch away from your face right before falling asleep and you force yourself to get up out of bed when the first alarm goes off instead of slamming the snooze button.

Now, how many times have you been having a conversation with a person and when you wait to hear what they have to say you get nailed with radio silence. You take your eyes off of the TV to discover that this person has the nerve to not be listening to a darn thing you just said and instead they are knee deep in their phone paying zero attention to you. WTF!?! Or how many times have you been out to eat with a group of friends and the table is silent for one second and somehow everyone managed to take their phones out because the thought of silence they just can’t even. Point is we can all use some time away from our phones. It is certainly taking away from the social experience.

Whether we are parents, kids, friends, colleagues, we all have a limited amount of time left to spend with those who we truly care about. Being present in the moment and actually giving those who you care about attentive time is invaluable. When I was recently in California, in a house full of friends that I do not get to see that often, my friend Shawn would yell at you if you were on your phone during social situations. I loved this even though I was scolded a few times. If you are a parent, talk with your kid/s, having actual conversations with them can go a long way. Gary Vaynerchuk harps on the quality of the time he spends with his kids not the quantity of time. I think this is brilliant when it comes to any relationship. Simply spending or giving time is better than nothing but being present during that time is a whole lot more valuable and precious. It’s hard to not seem disinterested when you are sitting across from someone not saying a thing with your head in your phone. Enjoy the company of others again and get comfortable with silence, not every moment has to be filled with noise.

I am 100% guilty of still doing a lot of these behaviors but the more aware I can become of them, the better job I can do to change the behavior which is partially why I wrote this. As a collective community let's start to slowly raise the quality of in-person social interactions and see the joy we bring to others lives as well as our own increase ten fold. Screens may be a huge part of our lives but they don’t need to take over our lives.

Post inspired by Shawn Tyler, Beth Kowaleski and Gary Vaynerchuk

I Just Love Resistance Training.. OK?

I get it, I get it. A lot of people looooove doing cardio. Whether it’s for fat loss, heart health, aesthetics, or just “fitness”, cardio is usually the go-to. Nothing wrong with doing cardio. However, if you want longevity, lifelong strength, healthy joints, body awareness, confidence and to be toned, consider resistance training. The benefits of resistance training are fairly close to infinite when performed correctly. Find a good coach to at least teach you the basics.

So many people chase getting lean or toned and just continue to smash cardio to pieces. They add more and more cardio in order to try to burn more and more calories. Doing more and more of the same will never get you to the goal you are working towards. Unfortunately it just doesn’t work that way. Adding in resistance training will help build muscle which is what gives the body that toned, lean look. If you do not build muscle then you won’t have that much muscle to help shine through to give you the look you are working for. I know it’s not all about aesthetics, but toned is a buzz word these days, soo…..

The best side effect of resistance training is you actually learn how to move (see I told you it isn’t all about aesthetics). This is very important because as a society we do not move extremely well or very often. Many of the movement patterns we develop lead us to chronic low back pain, shoulder pain, hip pain, knee pain or even foot pain. Exercises such as the goblet squat, kettlebell swing and Turkish get-up do a great job of correcting many of the mobility issues we run into from a life of sitting. They build strength in all of those places that we tend to feel pain as we get older. These 3 movements can even help issues that often arise from repetitive impactful movements such as running every day or jumping while playing pickup basketball. If you take the time to balance out your body by doing the right moves with the right form, then you can continue to enjoy the activities that you love throughout your life. In turn, you can keep moving instead of being sidelined because of injury.

Aside from avoiding injuries and learning how to pick things up and put them down without jacking yourself up, resistance training actually will teach you body awareness. Why is body awareness important? So, when you trip, you won’t fall or you severely minimize the likelihood of falling. You’ll become more aware of when someone is walking up your heels or if you’re a habitual heel stepper, then you will most certainly decrease the frequency in which you are really spoiling someone’s day with a flat tire. You will become much more aware of your surroundings while not using your phone. But, let’s be honest here, I know you walk and stalk people on the gram and Facebook, so this benefit will be minimal at best. For those who have never played sports before, proper resistance training can make you feel athletic, like you know what you are doing with your body during everyday activities, such as playing catch or tag with your children.

To all of you parents out there, how great would it be to be able to carry all of the groceries inside in one trip, be able to pick your 4-year-old up without huffing and puffing, or putting your luggage in the overhead compartment without straining? The answer is, “amazing!” That’s how it would feel. You know how you can accomplish those things? By resistance training. All of these feats take strength to accomplish them. You won’t magically just have the strength without working towards it. Preferably 30 minutes of resistance training 2-3 times a week is ideal, but even once a week for 10 minutes is much better than doing nothing. Believe it or not, you can see strength gains by doing just that. Remember, find a coach and change your life for the better.

Resistance training gives you confidence like you’ve never had before. In no time you’ll be strutting around because you know the strength you have within. You know you are strong enough to get through any obstacle life throws in your path. You know what hard work can do for you and you’re not afraid to get your hands dirty. This is the true Power of Strength!

Dismantle Fears and Insecurities

Ignoring reality won't make reality go away.  We can not just play pretend, ignore all of our problems, and poof... they just disappear. Life does not work this way. I'm pretty sure everyone knows this to be the truth, yet many people still try to do this, including myself. I get it, facing our fears or insecurities head-on can be very intimidating and overwhelming. This is why we need a plan of attack to dominate and conquer our fears, to change our reality rather than run from it.

The first step we need to take if we are going to conquer and dominate our fears is to write them down and establish what fears and insecurities we actually have. Writing these down and making the fears fathomable and tangible helps to make them more real. Addressing the challenge is always the first step, whether it's an addiction we have, a fear we have, or an emotional challenge that we have to face. You must admit that it is real and that you have the power to change!

The second step to conquering our fears and insecurities is getting to the root of the issue. Asking ourselves, the often avoided questions, why do we fear X and why do we have these insecurities? Really owning responsibility for either and knowing it is just a construct of your psyche can help you begin to overcome. Really be honest with yourself and be ready to frame some unpleasant truths. One of the fears I've always had was putting my work into the world. I was fearful of what other people would think or say. Would I not be good enough? When I dove down deep into my mind I realized these fears stemmed from a place of chasing perfection and always wanting to seem smart and be right. Once I identified the root I was able to then move on to the next step.

What are you going to do to change it? Now that you are on step three, this means you have identified your fears/insecurities, you have gone to the deepest of depths in your mind to locate the why. Now you have to decide what you are going to do about it. The move to make now is not to close your eyes and just hope that you change. You must create a plan! A pivotal part of the plan is to accept whatever insecurities you have and embrace them. You have to learn to love yourself no matter what, even if there is a lot you want to change about yourself. Getting mad or upset or embarrassed about any of your fears or insecurities does not help. Now that you have accepted your fears or insecurities you need to decide how you are going to change them. When it comes to fears, facing them head-on is generally the best way to go. Do exactly what you are afraid of doing. Usually after you have conquered your fear once, you realize it’s not that big and bad after all.

 Insecurities are a little bit trickier. Depending on what your reasons are for having your insecurities, you’ll want to attack them differently. If you have learned to accept the things that you are insecure about, then you may not need to do anything more. Solving your why may have helped you overcome that feeling. However, if you came to your why, accepted it, and still want to change whatever it is that you are insecure about, then you need a plan. If you are worried about extra weight you are carrying, then coming up with a nutrition and fitness plan could be a logical next step. If you are insecure about how you sound, then maybe finding someone who can help you with speaking would be your next step. There are endless numbers of possibilities for how to conquer your insecurities, no matter what they are, the key is to choose a healthy option that is right for you.

 The days of ignoring your problems are over! You know now that you have the power of strength to change either your thoughts or your actions. Knowing that everyone has some insecurities and fears can help you realize that they are not meant to stop you from attempting to accomplish what you want. They are just obstacles that you have to get around if you are going to reach your true potential. Write it down, find the why, create a plan, and follow through. Remember, nobody is perfect, nobody is flawless.

Always Forward - Move On!

Once something is done, it’s done. There is nothing you can do to undo it. There are, however, things you can do that’ll minimize the effects. In training, eating and life in general, people are always harping on the past. They’re always trying to undo some ish that already happened. Strategy: work on the here and now. Always keep moving forward.

Let’s say you ate something. Whatever you ate takes about an hour to start to digest. Once the digestive process starts, you begin to feel it’s impact and realize you made a grave mistake eating it. That’s right, diarrhea. Now, as you sit in agony pleading to the gods to undo your tragic mistake, saying you won’t mess up like this ever again, you know there is nothing you can do in that moment that will prevent you from erupting like a volcano. Tomorrow you won’t exercise like crazy to try to stop the violent bout of the runs you had today. This is because it’s already done. You ate this thing. It had its effect on your body. Now, it’s time to move on.

We understand this when we eat something that jacks us up pretty good. However, we don’t seem to understand this when we have a crazy weekend filled with wreaking havoc on a few BBQs and bars. Monday hits and we are like, OMG, I have to undo the weekend. We usually try to accomplish “undoing” the weekend by either exercising like a mad person to get rid of the “toxins,” or we just don’t eat. Neither of those options are healthy solutions and neither work to undo anything. Once it’s done, it’s done. Move on. Next weekend, just be. a little. better.

Now, there are a few things you can do to help minimize the effects when you don’t make the best choice. Life is for enjoying, not for feeling guilty.

One of the solutions that you can implement is to make the better choices more often than not. Throughout the week, month and year, have strategies in place that help you make the better decisions more often. Whether you’re preparing your meals for the week in advance or minimizing any alcoholic beverages throughout the week, especially if you tend to booze on weekends, these small changes will reward you over time.

Here are some tips, to get you on a better track:

·      Try not to have any alcohol stored in your house or apartment.

·      Set a goal to exercise 3-5 days per week and actually do so infinitely.

Another solution you can implement is to not freak out and try to undo the “damage”. You are not damaged, you don’t need to be fixed. You ate or drank some stuff that you wish you hadn’t. You’ll live. Life will go on. Get back on track and start to build some consistency with healthy habits again. “A small daily task, if it be really daily, will beat the labour of a spasmodic Hercules.” Whatever you do consistently over time will prevail. Getting back on track with the healthy habits you have in place is the best thing you can do after a day of going YOLO.

Reframe the way you view your choices. Instead of saying you made a bad choice, be kinder to yourself and say you didn’t make the best choice at the time, but next time you will do better. Feeling full of guilt and shame never helps. You think they would, but they don’t. They usually lead to repeating the same behaviors and feeling even worse about it every time you do. Eliminating these feelings can help you start to love yourself for who you are, meet you where you currently are, and help you move toward the direction you want to be. So, stop trying to undo or “fix” things and strive to just be better. Now move on!